There's Nothing Like A Hardship Song To

There Isn't Any New Man. The New Man Is The Old Man, Only He Whines More.

They've Said 'roseanne's Nuts' For Years, And Now I'm Going To Make That A Reality - I'm All About Nuts Now, Macadamia Nuts!

My Husband Says, 'god, Roseanne, I Can't Remember The Last Time We Had Sex.' Well, I Can, And That Is Why We Ain't Doing It.

I Thank God For Creating Gay Men. Because If It Wasn't For Them, Us Fat Women Would Have No One To Dance With.

My Husband Is Almost As Heavy As I Am. We Were Married In Adjoining Churches.