There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather

I Decided To Stop Drinking While It Was Still My Idea.

I've Always Liked It Here. Part Of Me Is Irish. My Family Comes From The West Coast, So Whenever I Come To Ireland I Get A Wee Tingling In My Heart That I'm Where I Belong.

I’m Actually Pale Blue: It Takes Me A Week Of Sunbathing To Turn White.

Oh Aye...my Father Would Thrash Me Every Now And Then. He'd Talk While He Did It Too! He'd Hit Me And Shout, 'have Ye Had Enough?' Had Enough? Whit Kind Of Question Is That? 'why, Father, Would Another Kick In The Balls Be Out Of The Question???'

Why Do They Call It An Asteroid When It's Outside The Hemisphere, But Call It A Haemorrhoid When It's On The Outside Of Your Ass?