The Worst Thing About Losing This Job:

There's A New Osama Bin Laden Video. He's The Only Person That Is Looking Thin During The Holidays. How Does He Do It? I Think He's Going To Jenny Craig.

President Obama's Been Reaching Out To Iran, Reaching Out To Cuba, Reaching Out To Latin America. The Only Place He Can't Seem To Be Able To Reach Out To: Texas. ... Despite Governor Rick Perry Talking About How Texas Could Secede From The Union If It Wanted To, 75 Per Cent Of The People Who Live There Want To Stay In The United States. Of Course They Want To Stay. I Mean, After Spending All That Time And Effort Sneaking Across The Border To Get Here, Why Would They Want To Leave?

Another Air Traffic Controller Fell Asleep On The Job, But He Had A Good Excuse. He Was Watching President Obama’s Deficit Speech.

I Always Tell New People In Show Business. I Say, "look, Show Business Pays You A Lot Of Money, Because Eventually You're Gonna Get Screwed. And When You Get Screwed, You Will Have This Pile Of Money Off To The Side Already." And They Go, "ok, Ok. Ok, You Ready? You Ready?" "i Got Screwed." "you Got The Pile Of Money?" "yeah, I'm Fine." I Mean, That's The Way It Works.

Not A Good Night For President Obama. He Lost Elections In Virginia, New Jersey, And He's Not Doing Good In Afghanistan Either.