In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner

Former Enron Founder Ken Lay And Ceo Jeffrey Skilling Found Guilty In The Enron Case. Ken Lay Is So Guilty I'm Surprised People Aren't Calling Him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till These Guys Find Out In Prison That Insider Trading Has A Whole New Meaning.

Al Gore Has Found A New Job. He Is Going To Teach Journalism At Columbia University, Which Is Ironic Isn't It? The Guy Who Did All The Coke Winds Up Going To The White House, The Guy Who Didn't Do Coke Goes To Columbia.

Kerry Has Already Begun His Search For A Running Mate. They Say That Because John Edwards Still Has $50 Million In Campaign Money, Kerry Might Pick Him. Pick Him? Hey, For $50 Million, Kerry Will Marry Him.

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

It's Not Called Cocaine Any More. It's Now Referred To As Crack Classic.