The World Is Full Of Horrible Things.

I Know Her In The Biblical Senseand When I Say That, I Mean I Don't Believe A Word She Says.

My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Only Love Her For Her Body. I Said No, Baby. Just Parts Of It.

Yesterday I Accidentally Hit A Little Kid With My Car. It Wasn't Serious — Nobody Saw Me.

The True Meaning Of Christmas Is Actually Centuries Of Gullibility.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.