The World Is Full Of Horrible Things.

The One Thing I've Found You Really Can't Joke About - And People Think It's Death Or Something - Is Money. No One Thinks It's Funny, Whether You Have It Or You Don't. Money Is Just Something No One Seems To Like Joking About.

When I Was Little, I Would Burn Ants With A Magnifying Glass. But Now That I'm Older, I'm More Of A Cat Guy.

When I Finished High School, I Wanted To Take All My Graduation Money And Buy Myself A Motorcycle. But My Mom Said No. See, She Had A Brother Who Died In A Horrible Motorcycle Accident When He Was 18. And I Could Just Have His Motorcycle.

I Like To Read, But Otherwise I'm Just Your Average, Self-obsessed Comedian. It's Pretty Much All I Think About.

I've Always Been Fascinated By Dark Subjects, Especially People's Reactions To Them. Why Are People So Uncomfortable Talking About Death If Everyone Dies?