The Secret To Raising Children Is To

I'm Fortunate To Know A Lot Of Incredibly Talented People, And They All Want To Be A Penguin.

Soon, I'm Going To Meet Somebody Around My Own Age, And She's Going To Be Smart And Beautiful, And I'm Going To Date Her Daughter.

I Just Had A Pedicure. My Feet Are Soft Like A Baby's Behind. If His Ass Was Covered In Calluses.

I'm Completely Changing My Diet. My Nutritionist Recommends I Must Now Stop Eating Food I Have Already Eliminated.

If You Don't Wake Up Every Day Happy, Change Something.