The Problem With This World Is, Everyone

(on Bette Davis) Even When I Was Carrying A Gun, She Scared The Be-jesus Out Of Me.

[on The House Un-american Activities Committee] They'll Nail Anyone Who Ever Scratched His Ass During The National Anthem.

Major Strasser: You Give Him (rick Blaine) Credit For Too Much Cleverness. My Impression Was That He's Just Another Blundering American. Captain Renault: We Musn't Underestimate American Blundering. I Was With Them When They Blundered Into Berlin In 1918.

(on Ingrid Bergman) "i Didn't Do Anything I've Never Done Before, But When The Camera Moves In On That Bergman Face, And She's Saying She Loves You, It Would Make Anybody Feel Romantic."

I Hate Funerals. They Aren't For The Guy Who's Dead. They're For The Guys Who Are Left Alive And Enjoy Mourning.