The Only Silver Lining I Can Find

If We Were A Dog And God Owned Us, The Cops Would Come And Take Us Away.

The Food Is Out Of This World!

Yes, In Baseball When The Team Stinks, You Fire The Manager. But You Don't Fire Him Because It Rains. And You Don't Let The Opposing Team Choose A New Manager For You. And You Don't Fire Him Between Innings. And Replace Him With A Viennese Weightlifter.

You Can't Pray Away Global Warming, And That's The Difference Between Religious People And Sane People.

I Kid Fox News, But They May Be A Little Biased. We Had An Earthquake Here On Monday, And They Reported That 'the Earth's Crust Was Emboldened By Obama's Weakness.'