Suicide Is Man's Way Of Telling God,

My Policy Is I Am Always More Than Happy To Say, "i'm Sorry If I Hurt Your Feelings." What I Am Not Willing To Do Is Take Back What I Said. Unless I Am Wrong.

All Across The Middle East In The Streets, People Are Demanding Democracy. It's Amazing. The Only Way In America You Get People To Get Worked Up Like That Is To Threaten To Give Them Health Care.

This Party Is Just Full Of Children, And Someone Needs To Leave Them In A Hot Car.

New Rule: Food Companies Must Face The Facts: One Container Equals One Serving. Look, We’re Americans, And That Means Once We Open The Bag, There’s No Stopping Us Until We’re Licking Stray Bits Of Powdered Cheese Off The Carpet. So Stop Trying To Give Us Nutritional Information Based On A Fraction Of The Package. It Assumes A Talent For Two Things That We’re Really Not Capable Of: Restraint And Math.

I Think Religion Is A Neurological Disorder.