The Only Honest Art Form Is Laughter,

Never Tell. Not If You Love Your Wife...in Fact, If Your Old Lady Walks In On You Deny It. Yeah. Just Flat Out And She'll Believe It: "i'm Tellin' Ya. This Chick Came Downstairs With A Sign Around Her Neck 'lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I Didn't Know What I Was Goin' To Do.

My Mother-in-law Broke Up My Marriage. My Wife Came Home From Work One Day And Found Me In Bed With Her.

If I Just Stuck To Pot I Might Have Found Out What A Drag Being An Aging Hipster Actually Was.

...catholicism Is Like Howard Johnson, And What They Have Are These Franchises And They Give All These People Different Franchises In The Different Countries But They Have One Government, And When You Buy The Howard Johnson Franchise You Can Apply It To The Geography - Whatever's Cool For That Area - And Then You, You Know, Pay The Bread To The Main Office.

Miami Beach Is Where Neon Goes To Die.