The Next Evolutionary Step Is Into The

I Didn't Really Want To Kill Myself, It Just Made Me Feel Better To Know I Could If I Wanted To.

I Used To Be Jealous; I'm Not Jealous Anymore. And A Miracle Happened To Me, Because If You're Jealous, It's A Cancer, It's A Plague On Your Spirit, It Really Is. And I Actually Cured Jealousy In A Very Weird Way - I Cured It With Mathematics. And I'm Not A Math Person At All, But I've Been With My Wife For About Seven Years, So We Have Had Sex Probably, I'd Like To Think, Like, 9 Million Times Or, At Least, 1,500. So, The Way I Figured It, If She Goes Out And Screws Some Other Guy Once - I'm Still Winning.

I Knew Most Of My Radio Listeners Were Lefty Political People, And I Decided Definitively Not To Be That Guy - Not To Address Politics.

It May Have Lost Its Special-ness Forever And The Clubs Might Not Being Doing Well But I Think Standup Is In The Best Shape It Has Been In A Long Time.

I'm Not Fundamentally A Writer. I Know Writers, And I Have A Tremendous Amount Of Respect For Them. It Bothers Me That No Matter How Well I Do It, It's Not Really My Format.