The Hardest Part Of The Day Is

I'm Not Saying That Mcdonald's Gift Certificates Caused The Obesity Epidemic, But In Retrospect, The Timing Is Kind Of Suspicious.

I Didn't Choose To Be The Guy Who Talks About The Mundane - It's Just Who I Am And It's What Kind Of Works For Me.

You Ever Get A Postcard, You Get So Excited You Don't Even Read It! "hey I Got A - Who Cares."

Don't You Think It's Strange How Many Referees Work At Footlocker?

You're On Stage And Because Stand-up Comedy Is One Of The Few Meritocracies In The Entertainment Industry, There's Some Kind Of - At Least For Me, There's Some Kind Of Idea Of Control.