My Comedy Is Romanticized Laziness.

I've Had Plenty Of Friends Tell Me That Their First Time Doing Stand-up, They Do Well, And Then They Tank For A While After That. Kind Of Like The First Time You Do A Drug, You're Like, "huh! This Is Pretty Darn Good," And Then You Spend All Your Money Trying To Get The Same High.

I Spend Way Too Much Time On Facebook And Myspace To Feel Too Uncomfortable At This. I Like To Think Of The Internet As An Effective Way To Waste Time And Time.

Playing Frisbee With A Five Year Old Is Amazingly Similar To Chasing After A Frisbee.

Deep Frying A Twinkie Makes It Healthy, Right?

When You Hear Bacon Cooking....that Sizzling Sound Isn't The Fat Cooking....that's Applause.