The Drug War Is An Addiction, Really.

Attorney General John Ashcroft Is In Intensive Care. He's Suffering From A Severe Case Of Pancreatitis, Which They Can't Really Figure Out Because He's Not Really A Drinker. They Think He Might Have Picked Up Some Type Of Infection While Wiping His Ass With The Bill Of Rights.

One Of The Reasons I Still Do Stand-up Is Because It Was So Hard In The Beginning That I Feel Like It Would Be Such A Shame Not To Redeem It That It's All Fun.

Being A Conservative Also Used To Involve The Concept Of People Being Free To Do Whatever They Want To Do, As Long As It Doesn't Hurt Somebody Else. Conservatives Used To Be Very Libertarian.

Greed Can Overtake Smart.

During The Debate, Bush Was Asked By A Lady To Name Three Mistakes He's Made. And Bush Responded, This Debate, The Last Debate And The Next Debate.