The Council In Blackpool Have Given The

A Man Turns To The Guy Next To Him Who's Covered In Bandages From Head To Toe And Asks "what Happened?". "i Fell Through A Glass Window," Explains The Man. The First Man Says: "lucky You Were Wearing All Those Bandages."

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten, Sober.

Most Of My Jokes Are Racist - Usually About The Irish.

I Don't Think My Wife Likes Me Very Much, When I Had A Heart Attack She Wrote For An Ambulance.