The Best You Can Hope For In

I Think You Should Live Your Life So That The Maximum Number Of People Will Attend Your Funeral.

Newsreader: A Huge Asteroid Could Destroy Earth! And By Coincidence, That's The Subject Of Tonight's Miniseries. Dogbert: In Science, Researchers Proved That This Simple Device Can Keep Idiots Off Your Television Screen. [tv Remote Control] Click.

On The Fourth Day Of Telecommuting, I Realized That Clothes Are Totally Unnecessary.

There Are Always Deadlines I Have To Meet. I Don't Let Myself Get Too Close To The Deadlines, So It's Not Like I'm Just Sweating Bullets Or Anything If The Clock Is Ticking. I Never Let Myself Get In That Situation.

Nothing Defines Humans Better Than Their Willingness To Do Irrational Things In The Pursuit Of Phenomenally Unlikely Payoffs. This Is The Principle Behind Lotteries, Dating, And Religion.