That's When You Know You're A True

I've Had People Say To Me, 'look At The Sky, The Fields, The Ocean, The Beautiful Sunset. Isn't That Proof Positive Of God?' Following That Line Of Thought, Look At The Magnificent Rainbows After A Big Rainstorm. Isn't That Proof Positive That God Is Gay?

Everyone Should Have Kids. They Are The Greatest Joy In The World. But They Are Also Terrorists. You'll Realize This As Soon As They Are Born And They Start Using Sleep Deprivation To Break You.

That's The One Thing I Have Over Any Twenty-one-year-old: A Proud History Of Accumulated Neuroses. That's The Game In Which I'm Da Man.

You Know, Before I Would Think, My Cab Driver Hates Me. Now I Think My Limo Driver Hates Me.

Whenever I Get Down About Life Going By Too Quickly, What Helps Me Is A Little Mantra That I Repeat To Myself: At Least I'm Not A Fruit Fly.