That Field Goal Attempt Was So Far

The Average American's Day Planner Has Fewer Holes In It Than Ray Charles's Dart Board.

It Takes Zero Politically Correct People To Screw In A Lightbulb Because They Are Perpetually In The Dark.

When I Went To College, I Lived On Campus, And The Guys I Hung Out With Made The Characters In Revenge Of The Nerds Look Like The Rat Pack In 1962. I, Myself Made That Kid Booger Look Like Remington Steele.

Their Offense Is Shakier Than Katherine Hepburn After An All-night Espresso Bender At Starbucks.

Lotto Fever Hit New York Again This Week, And Like The Old Saying Goes, 'you Gotta Be In It To Win It'... But First, You Gotta Have A Dead End Job So Pathetic You're Willing To Kill Five Hours Standing In Line For A 1 In 25 Million Chance.