Text A Guy You Like Right Now,

I Don't Get Any Anxiety. I Don't Because Of Two Reasons. Number One, Just Breaking Through It As A Kid And Finally Getting Past It Was Like Okay, Nothing's Ever Going To Feel That Scary Again As That Deafening Silence Of A Joke Not Working. Any Joke Not Working Is Not As Bad As Not Being Able To Even Try And Get On Stage.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

There's Always Someone In Every Group Of Friends That Nobody Likes.

I Get So Into The Moment.

I Don't Know If I Could Kill Someone With A Frozen Turkey Because That Is A Lot Of Evidence To Eat .... Unless I Found A Whole Room Of People Who Also Wanted That Person Dead.