Sometimes I Get Really Lonely. Especially When

They Say The Recipe For Sprite Is Lemon And Lime. I Tried To Make It At Home. There's More To It Than That.

A Friend Gave Me A Drug For Attention Deficit Disorder, Because He's Afflicted, But I'm Not. So What Happened To Me Is I Suddenly Had An Extra-long Attention Span. People Would Tell Me A Story, And It Would End, And I'd Get All Mad. "come On, Man, There Has To Be More To That Story."

I Guess The One-liner Kind Of Comic Sounds Like A Guy Who Can Talk And Talk And Whatever The Subject Is, He Can Pull Out A One-liner, But I Couldn't Do That. I Didn't Like The Association. I Mean, I Love Steven Wright, But So Many People Started Saying "steven Wright" To Me, And I Would Get Mad, Because I Never Wanted To Be Thought Of As Copying Anybody.

I'm Gonna Fix That Last Joke By Taking Out All The Words And Adding New Ones.

I Had A Paper Route When I Was A Kid. I Was Supposed To Go To 2,000 Houses. Or Two Dumpsters.