Sometimes I Am Screwing Around, And Sometimes

If My Catholic Boyfriend And I Ever Have A Kid, We'll Just Be Honest With It. We'll Say That Mommy Is One Of God's Chosen People, And Daddy Believes That Jesus Is Magic!

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

This Is Aids. Aids Is As Real As An Egg.

I Just Think Of Myself As A Comedian, Really.

I Talk To Friends Who Get Their Feelings Hurt When They Read Twitter Mentions. I Have An Amazing Solution - Don't Read Twitter Mentions.