I Would Love To Have Acidy Spit.

If You're Drunk Please Don't Drive. If You're On Shrooms Please Don't Think Walmart's A Prison For Bad Clothing That Needs Help Escaping.

When You Get Hit By A Car Sometimes Your Shoes Will Fly Off, Sometimes Your Pants Will Come Off, But I Was Not Fortunate Enough To See The Pants Portion.

I'm Glad That My Parents Missed One Thing That Was Really Unbelievable. They Saw Me Hit This Great Success. It Was A Blast And We Had A Lot Of Laughs. And It Was Just An Amazing Time. They Passed Away. And Then After I Got, You Know, Famous, All These Haters Came Out Of Nowhere.

I Say It With My Tongue Firmly Planted In Cheek But There's Truth To It - Being A Comedian Is Very Close To Being A Therapist. When You're Working Smaller Clubs, You're Listening. You're Feeling An Energy, You're Going With A Tone But When People Start Yelling Out, You Almost Start A Conversation With People.

I'm Bringing Back The Skinny Tie But Wearing It Tied Around My Balls.