I Would Love To Have Acidy Spit.

When I'm Wrong I'm Like The Emperor On The Death Star Thinking He'll Turn Luke. Yet, When I'm Right I'm A Jedi Like My Father Before Me.

On Stage I Am The Actor, Director And The Bouncer All At The Same Time. Fear Does Not Exist In This Dojo Does It? No Sensi! Sorry When I Get Excited I Have To Toss In Some Karate Kid Quotes.

When I'm Looking For Hot Button Answers To Tough Questions, I Don't Look To Congressman Or My Mayor. I Say, 'what Would Miss U.s.a. Have To Say About This?'

Here's How You Know That You're Really Drunk: When You Get Into A Taxi Cab And You Think The Fare Is The Time.

Comedy Crowds - We Always Want To Come Out And Ask You, 'how You Feeling?' We Always Say That, 'by A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel?' Right? 'by A Round Of Applause, How You Feeling?' It's The Only Place In The World That You Judge How You're Feeling By A Round Of Applause... There's Never Like A Car Accident, People All Over The Ground, People Running Over - 'ma'am! Ma'am! By A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel? By A Round Of Applause - She's Not Clapping!