So I Took Her Back To My

You Can Say, 'can I Use Your Bathroom?' And Nobody Cares. But If You Ask, 'can I Use The Plop-plop Machine?' It Always Breaks The Conversation.

I'm Very Romantic When I Masturbate. Sometimes I Light A Candle...then I Try And Shoot It Out. It's Like A Carnival.

I'm A Joke Comic. I Tell Jokes. I Like Writing A Joke, And I Like When A Joke Works, And I Like Other Comics Who Tell Jokes.

You Know What Wakes Me Up? A Tongue In The Ass. There Is No Alarm Clock On That One, You Are Up, You Are Shaking, You Are In A Karate Stance.....the Day Has Begun.

Yeah, I Know, Some People Are Against Drunk Driving, And I Call Those People 'the Cops.' But You Know, Sometimes, You've Just Got No Choice; Those Kids Gotta Get To School!