She's So Small, Yet She Contains So

If You Have Come To These Pages For Laughter, May You Find It. If You Are Here To Be Offended, May Your Ire Rise And Your Blood Boil. If You Seek An Adventure, May This Song Sing You Away To Blissful Escape. If You Need To Test Or Confirm Your Beliefs, May You Reach Comfortable Conclusions. All Books Reveal Perfection, By What They Are Or What They Are Not. May You Find That Which You Seek, In These Pages Or Outside Them. May You Find Perfection, And Know It By Name.

They Want To Be Tied Up, I Tie Them Up. They Want To Be Spanked, I Spank Them. They Want To Be Called Names, I Call Them Names. But Try And Drink A Little Of Their Blood, And They Scream Like Babies. What About My Needs?

Winter Near The Shore Is Cold. The Wind Kicks Up A Salty Mist And Elephant Seals Come To Shore To Trumpet And Rut And Birth Their Pups. Retired People Put Sweaters On Their Lap Dogs And Drag Them Down The Street On Retractable Leashes In A Nightly Parade Of Doggy Humiliation. Surfers Don Their Wetsuits Against The Chill Of Storm Waves And White Sharks Adjust Their Diets To Include Shrink-wrapped Dude-snacks On Fiberglass Crackers.

You're Going To Break My Heart, Aren't You?

No One Knows Why, But Second Only To Eating The Brains Of The Living, The Dead Love Affordable Prefab Furniture.