Scrabble Was Invented By Nazis To Piss

If You're Choking In A Restaurant You Can Just Say The Magic Words, 'heimlich Maneuver,' And All Will Be Well. Trouble Is, It's Difficult To Say 'heimlich Maneuver' When You're Choking To Death.

Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People, And Monkeys Do Too (if They Have A Gun).

You’ve Got To Believe You Can Be A Standup Before You Can Be A Standup. You Have To Believe You Can Act Before You Can Act. You Have To Believe You Can Be An Astronaut Before You Can Be An Astronaut. You’ve Got To Believe.

But Puberty Was... Well, Before Puberty, At School, I Didn't Tell Kids I Was A Transvestite 'cause I Thought They Might Kill Me With Sticks, You Know?

I Like My Coffee Hot And Strong. Like I Like My Women: Hot And Strong...with A Spoon In Them.