Satire Is Tragedy Plus Time.

Guys Are Like Dogs. They Keep Comin' Back. Ladies Are Like Cats. Yell At A Cat One Time, They're Gone.

There Are Never Enough I Love You's.

Certain Things Are Complete Superstition And Have No Validity At All In The Bible. Yeah. They're Just The Antithesis Of Everything That Is Correct Intellectually.

The Role Of A Comedian Is To Make The Audience Laugh, At A Minimum Of Once Every Fifteen Seconds.

Tv Is Just Advertising For Your Live Gig, So I'm Playing Whichever Show Is Gonna Get Me The Biggest Crowd.