I'll Die Young, But It's Like Kissing

If You're Going To Stop Masturbating, You Can't Taper Off. You've Got To Quit, Cold Jerky!

You Got A Million Drug Laws Now Because The Bosses Figured There Was More Money In Putting People In Jail Than Taxing Something Anyone Can Grow On A Window Sill.

My Only Challenge Was To Tell My Truth, Man... Figure Out What I Had To Say. These Days, It's Not Enough To Boost That Roomful Of Strangers. The Young Comic Spends All Their Time Trying To Sound Different From The Million Other Jokesters Grabbing For The Mic.

Once You Sleep On Feathers You Can't Go Back To Sleeping On The Floor.

Today's Comedian Has A Cross To Bear That He Built Himself. A Comedian Of The Older Generation Did An Act And He Told The Audience, This Is My Act. Today's Comic Is Not Doing An Act. The Audience Assumes He's Telling The Truth. What Is Truth Today May Be A Damn Lie Next Week.