Real Comedy Doesn't Just Make People Laugh

You Don't Know What A Rough Crowd Is. If All I Have To Do Is Go Make People Laugh, That's Nothing. Let Me Tell You What A Tough Crowd Is. A Tough Crowd Is Going To A Morning Service And You Got Six People There And You Gotta Pay Your House Payment. That's A Tough Crowd.

Lick The Alphabet. It Makes You Appear Creative, It's An Easy Diagram To Remember, It's Like "aaaaa.... Beeeee.... Ceeee.

I Look For Women I Know Are Gonna Bust Me Up Good. Come On, Man, Who Can Resist That? Who Can Resist That Emotional Pain? Yeah, They All Have The Same Line, They're So Sweet: I'm Not Gonna Hurt You Like All The Others. Really I'm Not. I'm Gonna Introduce You To A Whole New Level Of Pain!

If I've Learned One Thing, It's 'don't Tell The Truth.' Lies Keep You Together.

Jesus Had A Tough Life. I Read About That Guy. Jesus Is The Only Guy That Ever Came Back From The Dead That Didn't Scare The F- Out Of Everybody!