Politics Is Pop. Our Job As Comedians

In A Recent Interview, Hillary Clinton Said That One Of The Jobs That Prepared Her To Be President Was Sliming Fish In Alaska. As Opposed To Bill, Who Learned By Catching Crabs In Cancun.

If People Want To See You, They'll Find You. If They Don't See You On Tv, They'll Find You On The Internet.

I Wanted To Be The Next Dana Carvey. This Was My Ultimate Goal. If I Ever Cut Into A Birthday Cake And Made A Wish, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.' If I Threw A Coin Into A Fountain, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.' If I Saw A Shooting Star, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.'

Thank You... Preseason Football, For Having All The Excitement, Commercials, And Time-outs Of The Regular Season, But With None Of The Mattering. I Appreciate It. Thank You.

Republican Candidate Ben Carson Told Reporters He Thinks American Prisons Might Be Too Comfortable. As Opposed To Mexican Prisons That Have Personal Showers With $5 Million Escape Tunnels.