People Hate Me Because I Am A

I Never Tell An Audience What They Can Expect. I Never Have And I Never Will. I'm An Entertainer For 75 Years.

When I Was A Kid, I Said To My Father One Afternoon, 'daddy, Will You Take Me To The Zoo?' He Answered, 'if The Zoo Wants You, Let Them Come And Get You.

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.

I Get Paid For What Most Kids Get Punished For.

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.