People Hate Me Because I Am A

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

I Get Paid For What Most Kids Get Punished For.

I Think The Cartoons That They're Children Are Watching, Particularly 'the Simpsons,' They're Ok. I Think That The Adult Audience Is Making Much Too Much Of The Danger That They Imply. That's Not The Case. The Danger For Children Today, Honey, Is The News. Keep Them Away From News On Television.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

People Say, "how Would You Like To Be Remembered?" I Don't Want To Be Remembered. Gimme A Break. What I Want Is To Hear What's Great About Me Now. Let Me Hear It! In The Box You Don't Hear These Eulogies.