Pay Off Your Student Loan. Even If

A New Father Quickly Learns That His Child Invariably Comes To The Bathroom At Precisely The Times When He's In There, As If He Needed Company. The Only Way For This Father To Be Certain Of Bathroom Privacy Is To Shave At The Gas Station.

It Is A Point Of Pride For The American Male To Keep The Same Size Jockey Shorts For His Entire Life.

Whenever Your Kids Are Out Of Control, You Can Take Comfort From The Thought That Even God's Omnipotence Did Not Extend To His Kids.

I Am Certainly Not An Authority On Love Because There Are No Authorities On Love, Just Those Who've Had Luck With It And Those Who Haven't.

I Am Not Afraid Of Crashing, My Secret Is . . . Just Before We Hit The Ground, I Jump As High As I Can.