One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's

Once I Posed Nude For A Magazine. I've Never Been Back To That Newstand.

I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up Picking My Belly Button For Lint.

Everyone, Everywhere, And All The Time, Used To Laugh At Me When I Was Growing Up. So, When I Was Around 18, I Thought, 'i'll Become A Comedian, And Then If Everyone Laughs At Me, I'll Be Famous.' So I Went On Stage One Night And, For The First Time In My Life, Everyone Stopped Laughing At Me.

Well! I Feel Happy These Days. I've Started Taking A Herbal Anti-depressant. It's Called Saint John's Wort. Apparently It's The Best-selling Anti-depressant In Many Places. It's The Most Popular Anti-depressant In Germany... After, I'm Guessing, Amnesia.

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.