One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.

I Like To Play Chess With Bald Men In The Park Although It's Hard To Find 32 Of Them.

In College I Was One Of Six Males Who Auditioned For Five Male Roles In A Comedy Play. I Was The One Rejected. At That Moment I Made Up My Mind Never To Place Myself At The Mercy Of Some Pompous, Goateed, Black-turtleneck-shirted "should I Yay Him Or Nay Him?" Pantywaist Ever Again.

When I Was A Kid, My Goodness, Corporate America Was A Bunch Of Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Serious, And Now It's Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Funny.

I Was Walking Down The Street. Something Caught My Eye, And Dragged It Fifteen Feet.