Once I Found Out How Much An

Sometimes We Have To Actually Say, I Think You're Really Funny, But None Of Your Jokes Are Going To Make It On The Air. So Just Answer My Questions. Seriously.

I Have A Wife And Two Daughters; People Who Depend On Me. Everything Is More Important Than It Was When I Was 20. But Now I'm Like, "eh, I Made It This Far."

Once I Found Out How Much An Off-off-broadway Actor Makes, I Was Whoring Myself Out The Next Day.

My Job Was Basically To Look At A Good Friend Completely Naked And Rub Lotion On Her Back. I Was Naked Too, But I Got To Put A Towel On Almost Immediately. So I Was Like, "well, This Is Going To Be Embarrassing, But It's Also Going To Be Kinda Awesome."

It Looks Like Garbage, My Ass. But Trust Me, You're Lucky It's Not Full-frontal.