Not Everybody Hates Me. Only The People

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.

I Once Had A Large Gay Following, But I Ducked Into An Alleyway And Lost Him.

When I Was A Kid, I Slept On Rubber Sheets, But Now, I'm A Man. And I Can Take The Wetness!

I Was With This Girl The Other Night And From The Way She Was Responding To My Skillful Caresses, You Would Have Sworn That She Was Conscious From The Top Of Her Head To The Tag On Her Toes.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.