No One Knows What's Next, But Everybody

I Don't Like The Phrase Shock Value. Surprise Is Essential In Comedy, And If People Are Shocked By What I Consider Merely Surprising, Then That's Their Shock. But There Is No Joke Without Surprise.

Scratch Any Cynic And You Will Find A Disappointed Idealist.

I Feel Sorry For Confetti. Its Useful Life Lasts About Two Seconds. And It Can Never Be Used Again.

Know My Feelings About Traffic Laws? Cop Didn't See It? I Didn't Do It.

Whoever Coined The Term "buyer Beware" Was Probably Bleeding From The Asshole.