No Man Is Charming All Of The

Cats Are A Waste Of Fur.

My Vegas Act Is How I Make My Money.

I Get So Happy When I Write A Joke. It's A Very Satisfying, Liberating Feeling.

I Was Going To Have Cosmetic Surgery Until I Noticed That The Doctor's Office Was Full Of Portraits By Picasso.

Halloween Was Confusing. All My Life My Parents Said, "never Take Candy From Strangers." And Then They Dressed Me Up And Said, "go Beg For It." I Didn't Know What To Do. I'd Knock On People's Doors And Go, "trick Or Treat."