Never Lend Your Car To Anyone To

Never Order Food In Excess Of Your Body Weight.

I've Exercised With Women So Thin That Buzzards Followed Them To Their Cars.

I Have A Hat. It Is Graceful And Feminine And Give Me A Certain Dignity, As If I Were Attending A State Funeral Or Something. Someday I May Get Up Enough Courage To Wear It, Instead Of Carrying It.

The Odds Of Going To The Store For A Loaf Of Bread And Coming Out With Only A Loaf Of Bread Are Three Billion To One.

A Grandmother Pretends She Doesn't Know Who You Are On Halloween.