Never Ask Your Wife If She Still

I Can't Go Anywhere Without Being Bugged By Somebody. I'd Love To Just Hike Out Down The Street, Or Drop In A Restaurant, Or Wander In The Park, Or Take My Kids Somewhere Without Collecting A Trail Of People. But I Can't.

I Can't Say I Ever Wanted To Become An Entertainer. I Already Was One, Sort Of-around The House, At School, Doing My Magic Tricks, Throwing My Voice And Doing Popeye Impersonations. People Thought I Was Funny; So I Kind Of Took Entertaining For Granted It Was Inevitable That I'd Start Giving Little Performances.

The Champagne They Have Stored Is Getting More Valuable Every Year.

Happiness Is Being Stuck In An Elevator And Discovering The Ravishing Blonde With You Is A Liquor Salesman With A Case Of Samples.

He's So Fat, He Can Be His Own Running Mate.