My Wife Said To Me 'i Hope

I'd Rather Be In Las Vegas 104 Degrees Than New York 90 Degrees, You Know Why? Legalized Prostitution. In Any Weather That Takes The Edge Off.

When You Go To Standup, There Seems To Be A Common Denominator Of Some Form Of Need Or Want For Validation From The Audience That Maybe You Were Lacking As A Kid.

I Came From An Italian House. The Refrigerator Was Always Full. I Never Knew You Had To Buy Food. I Thought There Were Food Fairies That Came At Night.

I'm Now Unemployed. It's A Weird Feeling With No Work, But At Least There's Still Golf. Standup Comedy Is Like My Core, It's What I Do. But I Want To Be A Pro Golfer. It's A Love/hate Relationship With Golf. I Can Come Away Feeling So Serene, And Yet, It's The Thing That I Can Let Get To Me To Throw A Club And Say Curses That Don't Even Exist. I'm Obsessed With Something That Won't Let Me Master It. I Don't Know. I Need Therapy.

Whenever I Get Down About Life Going By Too Quickly, What Helps Me Is A Little Mantra That I Repeat To Myself: At Least I'm Not A Fruit Fly.