My Real Life Is Funnier Than Anything

As Prime Minister Of Israel, I Will Introduce A Bill Into The Knesset That Will Simply Pay The Arabs Not To Shoot At The Jews.

The Basic Thing Is, People Want To Get Paid, So They'll Say The Things That Get Them Paid, In Entertainment Or Politics.

Humanity Is A Failed Experiment, But I Think I'm God And I'd Like To Start Over. I Don't Want To Die, I Just Want Everyone Else To. I Certainly Would Not Be Lonely. It Would Be Exciting Never Having To Listen To Another Person Again But Just My Own Self Droning On And On. That's Why I Write A Blog. And I Read It, Too.

They've Said 'roseanne's Nuts' For Years, And Now I'm Going To Make That A Reality - I'm All About Nuts Now, Macadamia Nuts!

I Signed A Deal With Satan Because I Wanted To Get Famous. Then I Forgot I Had A Deal With Satan And Then I Got Really Famous.