My Parents Got Carried Away With The

I Know A Little Bit About Handicapping. If The Horse Has An Iv, You Want To Stay - Away From It.

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

I'll Probably Never Have Children Because I Don't Believe In Touching People For Any Reason.

I’m An Atheist. The Good News About Atheists Is That We Have No Mandate To Convert Anyone. So You’ll Never Find Me On Your Doorstep On A Saturday Morning With A Big Smile Saying ‘just Stopped By To Tell You There Is No Word. I Brought Along This Little Blank Book I Was Hoping You Could Take A Look At.’

I'm Really More Prolific Than Most Stand-ups. My Act Changes. I Do Fold In New Experiences, New Observations, Whatever You Want To Call It.