My Mother Hated Me. Once She Took

You've Got To Realize That When All Goes Well, And Everything Is Beautiful, You Have No Comedy. It's When Somebody Steps On The Bride's Train, Or Belches During The Ceremony That You've Got Comedy!

Remember, Only A Policeman Is Allowed To Express Himself On An Expressway.

Tranquilizers Work Only If You Follow The Advice On The Bottle - Keep Away From Children.

Absolutely Nothing Was Happening In My Marriage. I Nicknamed My Waterbed, Lake Placid!

I Got My First Laugh When My Mother Entered Me In A Baby Contest.