My Monologues Aren't Always Funny. They're Generally

Buying My Wife A Gun Sort Of Like Me Saying, ' You Know, I Kinda Want To Kill Myself, But I Want It To Be A Surprise'.

In A Lot Of Ways, I'm Seeking Some Sort Of Peace Of Mind For Myself. I'm A Fairly Emotionally Petty, Resentful Guy Who Has An Inflated Sense Of Himself, And I Needed To Take That Down A Notch.

What Appealed To Me Was The Intimacy Of The Medium, The Fact That I Was Doing It From My Home, And The Fact That I Wanted To Talk. I Was Not There To Plug Things. I Don't Do A Hell Of A Lot Of Research. I Go On A Sort Of Kindred-spirit Bonding That Preexists The Interview, And Just See What Unfolds.

In Show Business, It Takes 10 Years To Create An Overnight Success. You've Heard That, Right? But What You Don't Hear Is That That's The Exact Same Amount Of Time It Takes To Create A Bitter Failure.

When I Was A Young Comic In New York And I Wasn't Getting Any Work, I Was Wandering Around The Lower East Side With My Notebook. I Would Stop At The Guitar Place On St. Mark's And Talk To That Dude For A While, Then I'd Go To The Bookstore And Talk To That Dude For A Little While. I Had A Guy Over At The Record Store, And I'd Talk To Him For A While. It Kept Me Connected To Life.