My Mom Said The Only Reason Men

Boys Can Be Disgusting. You Can't Leave Us Alone For Any Length Of Time Because We Will Burn Something, Blow Something Up Or Paint Something. We're Just Obnoxious.

I Have Way Too Many Commitments. I Get Pulled In Too Many Directions And I Never Seem To Be Able To Satisfy Anybody. People Get Turned On By Knowing A Celebrity, Even My Friends And Family. They Feel That There's Something Exciting About Me, But In Reality There's No Substance To It. People In Airports Just Hold On To Me Expecting Something And It Seems That I Always Come Up Empty. It's Frustrating Because I'm Trying To Please Everybody, And Ya Just Can't Do That ... At Least I Can't.

I Love Women. I Actually Prefer Girls, As A Parent, Because They Disappoint At A Different Age. They Go Through That, "dad's An Idiot," Which Lasted A Little Longer Than I'd Like.

I Have To Get A Licence To Drive A Motorcycle To Protect Myself And The People Around Me. I Am Adamant There Should Be Some Sort Of Licensing Required To Have Children.

I Know It Sounds Odd, But I Want To Make A Rolex-quality Screwdriver.