My Gran Said Put A Thimble On

In Britain We Have A Very Powerful Tabloid Culture With Celebrities On The Front Page Crying With Their Make-up Smeared And Tears, And It's Kind Of What You'd Expect From Someone Who Likes To Dress Up That Way.

You Have No Control Over Your Cat! You Can't Say To Your Cat, "cat, Heel! Stay! Wait! Lie Down! Roll Over!" 'cause The Cat's Just Gonna Be Sitting There Going, "interesting Words ... Have You Finished?" While You're Shouting All This To Your Cat, Your Dog's Next To You, Going ... [mimes Obeying All Commands] "what The Hell Are You Doing? I'm Talking To The Cat!" "oh, I'm Sorry!"

You Say 'erbs, And We Say Herbs Because There's A F*****g H In It!

So In Europe, We Had Empires. Everyone Had Them - France And Spain And Britain And Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, Full Of Furniture For Some Reason. And The Austro-hungarian Empire, Famous For F-k All! Yes, All They Did Was Slowly Collapse Like A Flan In A Cupboard.

If You Get Too Well-known, You Can Never Be A Comedian's Comedian, It Just Won't Sit Well. But I'm Fine With That. I'm Fine With That Label.