My Girlfriend Was Just Killed In A

If I Tell A Joke On Stage And The Crowd Laughs For A Minute, I Stand There For A Minute And Enjoy Them Laughing Before I Go On To The Next Joke. On Tv, If I Stand There For A Minute While They Laugh, I Look Like An Idiot Who Can't Remember The Next Joke.

In The Second Grade, I Would Just Get Bored And A Joke Would Pop Into My Head And I Would Have To Say It. It Was Almost Like I Had Some Brilliant Novel In My Head That I Had To Get Down, And I Would Interrupt Class All The Time And Get In Trouble.

I Have A Rare Form Of Body Dysmorphia In Which I Absolutely Can't Stand How Good I Look.

My Neighbor Complains Every Time My Girlfriend And I Have Sex. We're Not Even That Loud. But He Used To Date My Girlfriend.

Perhaps I'm Being Too Optimistic, But I Think This Country Is Finally Ready For A Black Serial Killer.