My Father Used To Beat Me With

The Whole Thing About Working In Front Of The Camera Is To Make People Laugh When They're Not Supposed To.

Reciting Lines Is Hard; Making Stuff Up Is Much, Much Easier.

I'll Never Forget My Grandmother's Last Words. She Said 'what Are You Doing?'

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.

My Girlfriend Looks A Little Like Charlize Theron...and A Lot Like Patrick Ewing.