My Father Used To Beat Me With

That's One Of The Great Things About Comedy: We Can - And Should - Say The Things That Other People Aren't Supposed To Say. If We Didn't Do That, If We Didn't Push Against Those Limits, We'd Just Be Standing Around Onstage And Yelling.

I Understand Tea Partyers' Anger With The System, But They Are In Way Over Their Heads And Often Racially Motivated, And I Can't Be Part Of That.

I'm Terrible About People Wanting To Take Pictures With Me. I'm A Giant Baby About It. They Treat You Like A Cartoon. There's Nothing You Can Do Except Make Light Of It.

The Word Abbreviation Sure Is Long For What It Means.

A Good Stand-up, You Lead The Audience. You Don't Kowtow To The Audience. Sometimes The Audience Is Wrong. I Always Think The Audience Is Wrong.