Louis [c.k.] Is Great. But I Don't

I Don't Know Anything About Politics. I Wouldn't Put Too Much Into My Prediction On Politics.

I Want You To Buy This Pit Bull. This Will Protect Your Valuables.' I Don't Own Anything Very Valuable. If I Buy The Pit Bull, That Would Be The Most Valuable Thing I Own. I'd Have To Buy Something To Protect It Then.

Your Worst And Most Dangerous Enemy Is The Person That Injures You Under The Pretensions Of Friendship.

Stand-up Has The Best Writers, Because It's The Hardest Writing By A Million Miles.

Our Passions May Be Compared To Certain Slaves--the More Severity We Show Them, The Better They Obey Us.