Listening Is More Important Than Talking.

I'm On So Late I'm Definitely The Last Seconds Of Anyone's Attention. So I Just Want To Give Them Something Dumb To Laugh At, So They Go, 'that's Funny,' Then Fall Asleep.

A New Poll Found That 43 Percent Of Americans Think President Obama Is Doing A Good Job At Handling The Bp Oil Spill. Of Course, The Same Poll Found That 43 Percent Of Americans Hate Pelicans.

Republican Ted Cruz Announced That He Will Run For President In 2016. So Finally, Carnival Is No Longer The Most Dangerous Cruise In America.

In A Recent Attack Ad, The Nra Claims That President Obama Cares About His Own Children More Than He Cares About Other Children. In Response, President Obama Was Like, 'yeah, That's How Families Work.'

Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who Was Using The Alias 'barack Obama' While Trying To Steal Money From 35 Atms. They Could Tell Something Was Up When A Guy Named Barack Obama Was Trying To Take Money From Banks Instead Of Giving It To Them.