Life Was A Funny Thing That Happened

Is Not The Whole World A Vast House Of Assignation Of Which The Filing System Has Been Lost?

If You Describe Things As Better Than They Are, You Are Considered To Be A Romantic; If You Describe Things As Worse Than They Are, You Will Be Called A Realist; And If You Describe Things Exactly As They Are, You Will Be Thought Of As A Satirist.

Though Intelligence Is Powerless To Modify Character, It Is A Dab Hand At Finding Euphemisms For Its Weaknesses.

Euphemisms Are Not, As Many Young People Think, Useless Verbiage For That Which Can And Should Be Said Bluntly; They Are Like Secret Agents On A Delicate Mission, They Must Airily Pass By A Stinking Mess With Barely So Much As A Nod Of The Head, Make Their Point Of Constructive Criticism And Continue On In Calm Forbearance. Euphemisms Are Unpleasant Truths Wearing Diplomatic Cologne.

While I Have Very Little To Say In Favor Of Sex (it's Vastly Overrated, It's Frequently Unnecessary, And It's Messy), It Is Greatly To Be Preferred To The Interminable Torments Of Romantic Agony Through Which Two People Tear One Another Limb From Limb While Professing Altruistic Devotion.